Where is your Security?

Where is your security? 09/27/2008

For the past months the Lord has been peeling me away on where my security lays;

Wow I thought I knew, haha. As the Lord would come and visit with me, He showed me that when certain people did show respect, or consideration, I would get my feelings hurt, and could not figure out why. Well as I sought for the Lords direction on these matters, and the root of why I felt the way I did, He began to show me.

Now it did not come all at once, I do not think my heart could have took it. The first thing He showed me was my sons, and I held them in a place that at the end cause friction, and again I did not know why the friction?

I love my sons and daughter in love and grandson so much it hurts at times. However when it comes to the Lord, Jesus had to be the one who occupied the throne of my heart. This is one of the hardest to lay down, however if I want what is best for them that is what I needed to do for all of us, so they too can find their way to Jesus.

Next I discovered that I was being very touchy with my pastor, and I am sure he didn’t know his actions were causing me pain, non-communication brings forth evil thoughts.
I knew he always had my best interest at heart, but action did not appear that way. So again back on the wheel, crush, crush goes the wheel, then the Lord again showed me my security is not in my pastor either, (which I knew in my mind, just needed a heart check up).

This past Thursday the Lord came to me and said I need to renounce self, and self-centered ways!!!!!! I went what? Me? On and on, then I got still, and I saw the thing God was saying. Life is not about me; it is about loving my Father Jesus and my neighbor as my self. SO how do you do that? One step at a time. You have to loose your life in order to gain it.

The last thing God is doing in this process is delivering from self-sufficiency. This is part of renouncing self; For pretty much all my life I have had to rely on me, I have been is survival mode for so long, that when God tries to take care of me, I feel I have to help Him out. I think I have to keep doing and doing, and now it has been showed to almost be it not a stronghold in my life. Since last January the Lord has told, “Be still and know that I am GOD”. Their have many things in my heart that wanted to run, and do and figure it all out, but God keeps saying be still.

Do you know how hard that is for someone who thinks she has had to do everything for herself? For someone who could never count on anyone to help her, just a brief background, so you will know where I am coming from in this.

“I lived in Calif. until I married at the old age of 14 years. Move to Texas at 15 with my husband in small town of 210 people after living in a million plus environment, by this time I had under gone two surgeries. We were married 20 years, and during that time, I had two wonderful lovely sons, and again under went one surgery after another, all total to present, 20 major operation, and for the most part had no help until this last two, Thank you Jesus. I have endured hardship of losing jobs and two marriage, the 2nd one because I would not renounce Jesus Christ, Lost one job and don’t even know why to this day, they just shown up after two years of faithful service and said, “Sorry we no longer require your services… In short through two marriages two kids and 20 surgeries, moving to a different state, and then God having me move to nine different places while attending Victory Bible Institute, and still going through some stuff, Lost of friends, family, lost of both parent at the age of 9 and 16. This is just a very condensed version.

I have discovered “My God shall supply all my needs.” Whatsoever it maybe, from love to food, to furniture, cloths, water, support to my emotions, spiritual, bills being paid, to a good laugh, and the one that the Lord has instilled in me is His peace, Nothing missing, nothing broken. He is the great fixer.”

I do not say all this for me, I say it to the Glory of God that is so patient with us, and He will take He good time to ensure we get it, and when we do realize He is our all in all, then
things will begin to happen.

Happy Reading
All rights reserved Ó by Jacqueline Roland 2008